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Orcs 1 Goblins 0

by ORCumentary

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1.
Cast Your Lot With The Orcs / This song is the gauntlet thrown in the face of goblins everywhere / soon the sound of goblin screams will fill the air / rape rape rape in the butt, metaphorically / that’s the fate of all who dare defy the cause of orc supremacy / I will kill the goblin mage / serve his head upon a plate / to Gor-Nacular, what a treat / I forgot that God’s don’t eat / open the portal, Gor-Nacular please / and I’ll go on a goblin killing spree / orc supremacy, it begins today / a betrayal centuries old will be repaid / when the goblins are destroyed, survivors made our slaves / await my sign when the wizard is dead and his tower mine / alone I go through the portal under the goblins nose
2.
Through the portal and I see / hundreds of goblins marching at me / single handed I will kill / all of those goblins against their will! / they’ve come for my blood / I’ll give them their own instead / I’ll hack and slash and stab / till they are all dead / I’ll swing my sword of iron in a deadly arch / at all who line up for the goblin death march / many goblins more I could defeat / but it’s time for a tactical retreat / heaps of goblin corpses ‘round me / yet the horde still attacked / to that far off forest I’ll flee / don’t worry goblins I’ll be back! / They came for my blood / I gave them their own instead / I hacked and slashed and ran / or I would be dead
3.
(Troll) This is a song, it is about me / Troll the Brave and True / this is an account on how I met Orc Adams / and I shall share it with you! / (Orc Adams) You stupid troll, outta my way / I’m trying to hide so the goblins won’t capture me today / wipe that stupid smile off your face / or it shall be cracked with a whack of my spear! / (T) I’m smiling mister Orc / because our meeting was predetermined / (O) Gor-Nacular never told me I’d meet / a troll who stank of urine / (T) I’m here to help, don’t be cross / I’m your assistant and you’re my boss / out of this forest I’ll lead the way to avoid the goblins / (O) okay / Why I didn’t go / through the portal with an army I’ll never know / my arrogance cost me a victory / now I’m forced to accept help / from a troll who stinks of moldy cheese / (T) This was a song, it was about me / Troll the Brave and True / this was an account on how I met Orc Adams / and I have shared it with you
4.
(“Black Forest” Ham) My name it is “Black Forest” ham / my height is half that of a man / if you do not flee when I count to three / then you shall be slain where you stand, whee! / (O) There he stood, “Black Forest” Ham / no taller than a kid / he held aloft a glowing gourd / the troll then ran and hid / (Ham) Your friend is wise he said to me / (Ham) You’d best be gone when I count to three! / (O) I drew my sword and to his surprise / I cut him down to size! / His name it was “Black Forest” Ham / his height was half that of a man / he was halved once more when I used my sword / blood oozed out like raspberry jam! / “Black Forest” Ham squealed and died / but then I heard a cheer / before you could say “fuck the elves” a goblin horde appeared / (T) To kill the Halfling was unwise / his magic gourd kept the goblins at bay / (O) I’ll stand and fight, I will not flee / if that’s what you’re trying to say / (Troll) it’s what I’m trying to say / too many goblins left to main / this would be the end of the game / the troll for my sake threw me ‘cross the lake / this trouble’s all because of, what’s his name?! / The Troll he swam across the lake / I was drenched when dry he did shake / we are safe across but now we are lost / much more of this I could not take!
5.
Troll Snot 03:31
On and on we walked / with not too much to see / I tried to contain my anger until I walked into a tree! / That’s it! Troll, go away! / I’ll find my own way out / (T) I’ll be useful, Mister Orc / if you’d unclog my snout / (O) I put a cork into your nose / ‘cuz you kept sniffling like an idiot / (T) unclog my snout, Mister Orc / and I’ll find the way out, double quick / (O) Okay Troll, one last shot / when I unclogged his nose I was deluged in troll snot / I would’ve gored him then and there if he didn’t flee / I ran after him and before long saw an end to the trees
6.
One last gulp of fresh air / before we cross the plains / mountains of dust cover the ground / and fall from the sky like rain / Troll, block the dust / (T) Protect my boss, help him I must / (O) Troll leads with his sense of smell / (T) Even in a dust storm my nose guides me well / (O) The Dark Tower was in sight / when we were beset / by a dragon composed of dust / foul magic of goblin descent / the dust dragon snatched up my comrade / it cackled in a cobwebby way / then the Troll and dragon disappeared / why does this make me sad? / Somehow my grief knew no bounds / the goblin guards were soon aware / their flesh and blood gave me sustenance / and strength to climb D’Lagrolon’s 270 flights of stairs!
7.
With your death your race will fall / I snarled at the goblin mage / before I could raise my sword / he smiled stupidly, gave his staff a wave / disarmed, bowled over by goblin magic / pinned down, this defeat will make me sick / how could I die so easily in the name of orc supremacy? / The goblin mage produced a knife / with which, I guess, he’d peel my face / till a sword belt looped around his neck / my skin, he would never taste / spell was broken, I got up / as the wizard begged and croaked / troll the brave, somehow alive, held the belt around the goblin’s throat / Strangled by your own Sword Belt (the irony’s so thick you could butter your toast with it) / fate favored the troll once / but not twice that day / for the goblin broke free / and blasted the troll away / the troll’s sacrifice gave me one chance to end the goblin mage’s reign / I swiped his staff and shoved it down his gullet, mission accomplished
8.
This is an interlude. Therefore, there are no lyrics to report..
9.
This song goes out to Troll the Brave / and True, who more than lived up to his name / let me plead my case, Gor-Nacular / my request is peculiar / without the help of Troll the Brave and True / I would not be here, talking to you / I hated him until he saved my life / guilt then cut me like a knife / as you can see from your lofty seat / the troll embraced orc supremacy / into your realm please let him in / to not reward him would be a sin / (Gor-Nacular) My realm is made for brave orc men and hot orc babes / this exception I’ll make / into my realm the troll I’ll take / (Troll) I accept your apology / give the men, elves, and dwarves hell for me / good luck on your quest / I now go to my eternal rest

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released March 23, 2013

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ORCumentary Newington, Connecticut

Orc metal for the masses! The epic, infectious, Self-Titled EP is available everywhere!

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