Orcs 1 Goblins 0

by ORCumentary

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    Comes in an awesome digipak with lyrics on the tabs! Also contains one bonus track exclusive to the CD version, "Fuck The Elves"!

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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 6 ORCumentary releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Destroy the Dwarves, You Must Procreate! EP, Orcs 1 Goblins 0, Troll Snot (Single), Praise Gor-Nacular! (EP), and Orc Happy Growls and Keyboard Mayhem. , and , .

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released March 23, 2013



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ORCumentary Newington, Connecticut

The best orc rock band in the universe! One orc, one keyboard, a world of adventure!

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Track Name: Cast Your Lot With The Orcs
Cast Your Lot With The Orcs / This song is the gauntlet thrown in the face of goblins everywhere / soon the sound of goblin screams will fill the air / rape rape rape in the butt, metaphorically / that’s the fate of all who dare defy the cause of orc supremacy / I will kill the goblin mage / serve his head upon a plate / to Gor-Nacular, what a treat / I forgot that God’s don’t eat / open the portal, Gor-Nacular please / and I’ll go on a goblin killing spree / orc supremacy, it begins today / a betrayal centuries old will be repaid / when the goblins are destroyed, survivors made our slaves / await my sign when the wizard is dead and his tower mine / alone I go through the portal under the goblins nose
Track Name: Goblin Death March
Through the portal and I see / hundreds of goblins marching at me / single handed I will kill / all of those goblins against their will! / they’ve come for my blood / I’ll give them their own instead / I’ll hack and slash and stab / till they are all dead / I’ll swing my sword of iron in a deadly arch / at all who line up for the goblin death march / many goblins more I could defeat / but it’s time for a tactical retreat / heaps of goblin corpses ‘round me / yet the horde still attacked / to that far off forest I’ll flee / don’t worry goblins I’ll be back! / They came for my blood / I gave them their own instead / I hacked and slashed and ran / or I would be dead
Track Name: Troll the Brave and True
(Troll) This is a song, it is about me / Troll the Brave and True / this is an account on how I met Orc Adams / and I shall share it with you! / (Orc Adams) You stupid troll, outta my way / I’m trying to hide so the goblins won’t capture me today / wipe that stupid smile off your face / or it shall be cracked with a whack of my spear! / (T) I’m smiling mister Orc / because our meeting was predetermined / (O) Gor-Nacular never told me I’d meet / a troll who stank of urine / (T) I’m here to help, don’t be cross / I’m your assistant and you’re my boss / out of this forest I’ll lead the way to avoid the goblins / (O) okay / Why I didn’t go / through the portal with an army I’ll never know / my arrogance cost me a victory / now I’m forced to accept help / from a troll who stinks of moldy cheese / (T) This was a song, it was about me / Troll the Brave and True / this was an account on how I met Orc Adams / and I have shared it with you
Track Name: "Black Forest" Ham
(“Black Forest” Ham) My name it is “Black Forest” ham / my height is half that of a man / if you do not flee when I count to three / then you shall be slain where you stand, whee! / (O) There he stood, “Black Forest” Ham / no taller than a kid / he held aloft a glowing gourd / the troll then ran and hid / (Ham) Your friend is wise he said to me / (Ham) You’d best be gone when I count to three! / (O) I drew my sword and to his surprise / I cut him down to size! / His name it was “Black Forest” Ham / his height was half that of a man / he was halved once more when I used my sword / blood oozed out like raspberry jam! / “Black Forest” Ham squealed and died / but then I heard a cheer / before you could say “fuck the elves” a goblin horde appeared / (T) To kill the Halfling was unwise / his magic gourd kept the goblins at bay / (O) I’ll stand and fight, I will not flee / if that’s what you’re trying to say / (Troll) it’s what I’m trying to say / too many goblins left to main / this would be the end of the game / the troll for my sake threw me ‘cross the lake / this trouble’s all because of, what’s his name?! / The Troll he swam across the lake / I was drenched when dry he did shake / we are safe across but now we are lost / much more of this I could not take!
Track Name: Troll Snot
On and on we walked / with not too much to see / I tried to contain my anger until I walked into a tree! / That’s it! Troll, go away! / I’ll find my own way out / (T) I’ll be useful, Mister Orc / if you’d unclog my snout / (O) I put a cork into your nose / ‘cuz you kept sniffling like an idiot / (T) unclog my snout, Mister Orc / and I’ll find the way out, double quick / (O) Okay Troll, one last shot / when I unclogged his nose I was deluged in troll snot / I would’ve gored him then and there if he didn’t flee / I ran after him and before long saw an end to the trees
Track Name: Plains of D'Lagrolon
One last gulp of fresh air / before we cross the plains / mountains of dust cover the ground / and fall from the sky like rain / Troll, block the dust / (T) Protect my boss, help him I must / (O) Troll leads with his sense of smell / (T) Even in a dust storm my nose guides me well / (O) The Dark Tower was in sight / when we were beset / by a dragon composed of dust / foul magic of goblin descent / the dust dragon snatched up my comrade / it cackled in a cobwebby way / then the Troll and dragon disappeared / why does this make me sad? / Somehow my grief knew no bounds / the goblin guards were soon aware / their flesh and blood gave me sustenance / and strength to climb D’Lagrolon’s 270 flights of stairs!
Track Name: Strangled by Your Own Sword Belt
With your death your race will fall / I snarled at the goblin mage / before I could raise my sword / he smiled stupidly, gave his staff a wave / disarmed, bowled over by goblin magic / pinned down, this defeat will make me sick / how could I die so easily in the name of orc supremacy? / The goblin mage produced a knife / with which, I guess, he’d peel my face / till a sword belt looped around his neck / my skin, he would never taste / spell was broken, I got up / as the wizard begged and croaked / troll the brave, somehow alive, held the belt around the goblin’s throat / Strangled by your own Sword Belt (the irony’s so thick you could butter your toast with it) / fate favored the troll once / but not twice that day / for the goblin broke free / and blasted the troll away / the troll’s sacrifice gave me one chance to end the goblin mage’s reign / I swiped his staff and shoved it down his gullet, mission accomplished
Track Name: Gor-Nacular's Grove
This is an interlude. Therefore, there are no lyrics to report..
Track Name: The View from Gor-Nacular's Lofty Seat
This song goes out to Troll the Brave / and True, who more than lived up to his name / let me plead my case, Gor-Nacular / my request is peculiar / without the help of Troll the Brave and True / I would not be here, talking to you / I hated him until he saved my life / guilt then cut me like a knife / as you can see from your lofty seat / the troll embraced orc supremacy / into your realm please let him in / to not reward him would be a sin / (Gor-Nacular) My realm is made for brave orc men and hot orc babes / this exception I’ll make / into my realm the troll I’ll take / (Troll) I accept your apology / give the men, elves, and dwarves hell for me / good luck on your quest / I now go to my eternal rest